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I have a sense of humor.

Think about it. My blog is called Two Ton Tilly. Sometimes I talk about diet pills, fat burners, and other stuff. Now, I am snickering while I type this thinking about the contradiction in the titles and subjects.

Of course that means that my husband is looking at me as if I’d lost it. I don’t know, maybe I did a long time ago. At least the men in the ‘little white coats’ haven’t caught me yet so I am still running free.

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I love to read. Science Fiction and Historical Romance books are amond some of my favorites.

Now when I heard about plasma mounts, I thought it was about some sort of futuristic gun mount. Nope, it is about mounting a plasma TV set. Learn something new everyday.

I can almost see it - you drive your car down the freeway, some idiot cuts in front of you and cuts you off, you use your plasma gun to give him a flat tire so he can’t do that to anyone else. Maybe not, that would start a new type of road rage, and that AIN’T nice.

Oh well, I used to wish that I could have an old fashioned arny tank for a vehicle so that no one would crowd me on the road. However with the price of gas these days NO WAY. Dreams can be fun.

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Well, maybe not totally. I just wish that someone else would have to vacuum it.

If we had floor tiles, all that we would need to do is sweep and mop once in a while. Spill would come up so much easier. Stains would not happen, and the floor would not stay soggy after a spill.

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? Well, we live in an apartment and are stuck with the carpet. HUMPH (No I am not a camel here)

I know that floor tiles come in a lot of different types and there are a lot of choices. Of course in the winter time, there is the matter of a possible chill to the feet. I don’t know. I am tired of having to vacuum. Besides, it is fun to watch the cats slide when they try to run fast on tile floors.

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Well, today was an interesting day. Did I ever tell about an old Chinese curse? You point at someone and say, ‘may you live in interesting times.’ ? If you think it is innocent, think about what you will find on the TV news. Earthquakes, floods, fires, tornodos…..get the picture?

Well, today was interesting. Our friend is going through a troublesome time. His wife and her family are causing trouble and it is getting rough for him. One of them decided that she wanted to come to our front door and give her opinion on what was going on. I asked who was pounding on the door (it sounded like she was using Kettlebells to pound), I told her to GO AWAY. That is very plain. I do not believe that it could be misunderstood.

She refused and kept pounding on the door. I called 911. I repeated that I wanted her to GO AWAY. She stood outside and voiced her opinion. We live in an apartment complex that has a fence around it, so it is very obvious that it is private property. She was still there when the police finally arrived. Still loud and walking around in front of our apartment. She does not live here. She does NOT have any relatives that live here. She does not have any friends that live here. The police started to question her, and to question me. I stayed on my porch, she stayed out by the police cars. The police said they would tell her to stay off of the property and leave me alone. I am not related to her or any of her family in any way, so her coming here was nothing but trouble. She ended up getting arrested. The police did a search of her car, found something in the trunk, and caught her in a lie. Both she and her car were removed. Her to jail, her car to the impound lot. All she had to do was leave but, she decided that she wanted to cause a scene.

Frankly, I was embarrassed for her. She did not behave in any type of a classy manner. One of the cops shook his head when he went back and forth to his car. I have no idea what they found, I stayed away from her and her car. I never even signed a complaint.

Sometimes, I do not understand people. They can be confusing.harassment

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have you ever really thought about some of the things that people say, or the words that are used? Some of them have a long history. Here is a list of some things that I have found out about.

1. threshold - this came from the time when people put reeds and rushes on their floors because they did not have rugs or carpets. The reeds and rushes would be walked on and some times would go out the door with people coming and going. So, a piece of wood was put across the bottom of the doorway to keep the plant life from leaving thus the word threshold.

2. chess - this was a game taught to a you man to teach him how to strategize in war. The movement of the pieces was to copy the movement of soldiers on the battlefield. We have turned it into a game for entertainment. If I am remembering correctly, the young man taught this game was Alexander The Great. Guess it worked.

3. salute - where we live, we are near a military base. The television station that we watch the most has given a history on the salute and how it was started in the middle ages when 2 knights met. The younger one would lift the visor on his helmet as a sign of respect to the older and more experiences man. Our troups use this movement today to show respect for those who have a higher rank than they hold. It is also a recognition of respect other military men.

4. ring around the rosy - this started a a way to recognize the Black Plague in the middle ages. The kids would hear about the different signs and repeat them to each other to beware of anyone who could possible be sick. Ring around the rosy - a pimple with a ring around it, pocket full of posy - posies were thought to keep the Plague away from you, ashes ashes all fall down - that was really achews achews all fall down since people would also sneeze repeatedly and the fall down was actually people dying. It was a rather grim type of play that started as a way to avoid plagu ridden people.

There are other words and phrases and customs that originally started with other meanings. Lunacy, carrying the bride over the ‘threshold’ are only some of those.

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Yes, I guess that is the question for the day.

My husband fed the cats for me this morning since my back was hurting. He later told me that he had gotten some of the gravy onhis finger and licked it off without thinking. He remembered later that it was cat food gravy. He told me that it actually tasted pretty good.

Later, we had some pot pies. We both like the beef flavor. When he started to eat the pie, he told me that its gravy tasted pretty much like the cat food. Who knew that 9 Lives beef pieces and gravy could taste like a pot pie. Make me think.

It does not matter, I still enjoy pot pies.

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We drive a Dodge Caravan.

It is not a new one, it was made in 1989. I always thought that if I needed parts for it I would ask for Dodge parts. Well, I have since learned that Mopar parts would also fit. What is a Mopar? I am not really familiar with all of the auto manufacturers that are out there, so to me the question was not stupid.

All that I can say now is that I am glad that I asked my husband instead of someone in an auto parts store. I have no wish to add to the ‘dumb housewife’ fable that goes around in those quarters. I mean that I replaced the points in a 1971 Dodge Dart Swinger. I even managed to set them perfect the first time. All that I did later was to accidentally drop a screw down the distributor. It only took me half of an hour to set it right, and another one and a half hours to get the (*&^*) screw out of the distributor. Well, I guess that paying someone else to do the tune up on our car was actually worth the money. Our neighbor at the time had fun telling me that our car was hungry as I lay on top of the engine -growling at the screw. Live and learn.

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Well, now that I have gotten hairballs out of my system, I get to be busy with washing up the dishes that have collected in my sink in the kitchen. It is not as if it is a set of copper sinks that might look good, it is just stainless steel.

I guess that is better than the old fashioned porcelain that would stain. I just wish that the sink was EMPTY. Sometimes empty is nice. If it is not a wallet, or a glass when you’re thirsty, empty can be nice. Oh yes, do not forget bank accounts. You do not want them empty.

My husband and I have just gone through some health problems and when those happen, nothing gets done. We used to use paper plates. You know, use them and throw them away, but that gets expensive. Now, if he could just get rid of all of his kidney stones, and me get rid of the arthritis, things will get done.

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Sometimes I like surprises. Gifts are usually nice, too.

However, with cats in the house…….surprise can be almost anything.

The other night one of our cats kept bugging me and calling RANH, yes RANH, not meow, over and over again. I finally followed her to see what had her upset, and ended up getting slightly upset myself. She had evidently left a nice hairball on the covers of the bed and she wanted me to clean it up. For some reason, when these things occur, she want someone to know and clean it up so she cried out until we notice it. After that she is okay with it. Of course if you find the surprise by putting you hand in the middle of the cold, wet ’surprise’ you might not feel grateful at the time.

Later I feel grateful tht she notified one of us about the problem. Once my husband found a ‘gift’ in his western boot. Half of a small critter had been left for him to find with his toes. Well, I do not think I have ever seen that particular look on his face before. It was verrrrrrrry interesting. He can laugh about it now, but not then. I must say that pets do keep you on your toes when they are around. You never quite know what can happen next.

Meow

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My husband has recently gone through some pain with his big toenail. Now he’s trying to make himself bald.

Yes, I did say bald. Now, you might wonder what that has to do with singed eyebrows. Well, that is what I am going to talk about.

He likes to keep his hair short. Do you remember the buzz cut? Well, every once in a while, he gives himself one of those hair styles. This time however, the clippers had another idea of their own. It is called shorting out. Suddenly.

I heard a pop, a yipe, and then a loud thunk. Of course being the calm person that I am (ahem), I asked him if he was okay. He said yes, but that he just lost part of his eyebrow. That comment did nothing to calm me down. I checked him out as he brought out the offending clippers. Yup, one of his eyebrows had parts missing. It was a very interesting look for him, but not to be recommended. I trimmed his eyebrows so that they both matched. He gave me the clippers to check the cord for any breaks. It did not have any, but I am not ready to become a widow and I cut the cord so the clippers can’t be used again.

I am thankful that I still have a husband. He was wearing his flip flops at the time of the short and the electricity did not harm him except for the eyebrow of course.;)

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